The adoption seed is planted

We are often asked the question that everyone loves to ask "so, are you guys going to have more kids?" Our standard answer has been, "neither one of us feels done. We are completely satisfied with the three children we have. Trust me we are plenty busy. However, we feel like someone is missing. We are just not sure of the when and how. There's a joke to insert here, but I'll let that one go. What I mean is that we have each in the last year felt certain that we are to have another child, but we were never ready at the same time. Last May during one of our "adult dinner" conversations (that's basically a date at home after the children go to bed), Jay posed the question to me and I turned it back on him (since he had the most recent hesitations). We concluded that if we were to have another child, we should probably go ahead and start trying this summer. So July it was. I have to admit though it seemed a very strange way (for us) to come to this conclusion. While I was ready, I felt a bit conflicted. With each of the other children, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the time was right. This time, it just seemed like it was time to make the decision. It was weird. I guess maybe because I was wondering if God already had a child planned for us that was not our own. I am pretty sure that we will be to capacity with four, and I did not want to mess up God's plan. What if God does have someone for us that we need to be prepared to love? If He does, is it just not time yet? If we have another birth child, we would limit our capacity to respond if God did bring us someone else. So we left it at "unless we hear differently from God, we will start trying to get pregnant in July."

Well, it didn't take God long to start changing "our" plans once we asked Him. The next thing that happened changed the entire course of our thinking. A little background information is necessary here. J was going to speak at a camp in Birmingham that we were planning to attend as a family. EJ was playing her first season of softball and her team was playing in the tournaments (yes , ones that we knew nothing about being first-timers). So, we decided to let her play ball. I would stay home with EJ and EC, and L would go with J to camp since she is a Daddy's girl and loves being with the "big kids" at camp. This would give me a week where I could take off my "referee" uniform since EJ doesn't usually fight with EC. Everyone would be happy. Little did I know, I would experience my own spiritual retreat at home during that time.

Another major event that happened that week prior to camp was the tragic accidental death of the adopted daughter of Stephen Curtis Chapman, Maria Sue Chapman. I really struggled for this family as a mom and sister in Christ. Below is an excerpt from my personal journal that week.

A week ago something terrible happened that I am still trying to process. The 5 year old adopted daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman, Maria was tragically killed when she was hit by her brother in his car. I have carried this burden for this family ever since I have heard the news. I cannot get he headlines out of head and heart. I dream about being with the family at the scene. I wake up still praying for them. I think of them constantly and hurt for them. I pray for Will Franklin and that he would be able to forgive himself and accept other people's forgiveness. I pray for the parents who have to find the strength to grieve the loss of one child and yet comfort another. While I accept that I will never be able to understand why God allows such tragedies to happen, still I seek the hope of redemption for Maria's death. I know that she is experiencing her reward of being with her heavenly Father. But, for the brokenhearted parents, the guilt-ridden brother, the lonely 5 year old Stevey Joy who was being raised basically as a twin to Maria and everyone else who saw her potential and had hopes and dreams for her.....................?

How will God choose to redeem this situation? What part do I have to play? Am I simply to pray or am I being called to more? For me it has brought more than the unfortunate death of a child to my attention. This family had three adopted girls from China and have become advocates for the church's responsibility to care for the orphans of the world. This awareness comes just weeks after several conversations I have had with Jay concerning our own family and Pastor Mike's sermon entitled "Wait" after we had decided to start trying to have another baby.

In my life things have usually been black and white. This decision is becoming very unclear. Are we supposed to have another birth child or do we continue to wait? It has been a challenge for me to discern this issue. So far I have had peace about either scenario.

So now this. We have always known that God might call us to care for an adoptive child. In my mind, it has always been a picture of a child that we already knew or as a result of a relationship that we already have. Perhaps that's because that mirrors my story of being "adopted into the Jamerson's family and God's family at large. I have never considered that I would "pursue" an adoption. I thought that if that was meant to be, God would drop a child on our doorstep.

So now here I sit with all of these feelings and awakened awareness to the great need to care for the orphans of the world and I don't know what to do with them. I certainly don't want to make it into something that it's not supposed to be, however I don't want to miss an opportunity of God's grace and blessing. For some reason God has obviously directed my attention to the country of China lately. (More on the many "signs" later.) Interestingly enough, as I have prayed, I have been compelled to open some new doors just to see if god would allow me walk through them. Jay has been encouraging me to go on a mission trip this summer. Without much previous thought or conviction, I checked out the mission journeys being offered this summer through our church. Hong Kong, China jumped off the page. I will be praying about this opportunity.

Again, what am I to do with this? Perhaps this is just me empathizing with Christian brothers and sisters and lifting them up in prayer. Or, I needed to be persuaded to go on a mission trip this summer. Or, is God going to use this terrible tragedy to change our family's life with a gift from China? Whatever His purpose is, I commit to follow in obedience because God is big enough to accomplish His purposes in my life.